Grateful

Another year has passed. We are grateful for the wonderful memories we’ve made. Two years ago on this Tuesday (yes, I know it’s likely not still Tuesday but work with me here), I saw tears in a doctor’s eyes as she said the word “relapse.” Celebrating this Thanksgiving as a family of 6 these two years later is something to stop and reflect on. I’m not sure I would have believed you if you had told me back then that we’d be doing it.

Jennings is doing well. We are coming off of a couple weeks of sickness but are seemingly all on the mend. It felt like we just passed it back and forth, round and round for weeks. At one point, they all four went to school on a Thursday. It was the first day in two weeks that they were all in school on the same day.

Henry and Jennings got the worst of it and had the same symptoms. After a week of Jennings not getting better and continuing to have fevers, Lauren took him to the clinic and asked for bloodwork to be done. Our anxiety meters were on high-alert - constant fevers were what led to his original diagnosis almost five years ago.

That’s what I love about our care team. It wasn’t medically necessary, but there was no push back. They understood where we were coming from and why it would be important for us. His CBC looked good….but he went 2 for 2 on the virus test. He was confirmed positive for flu and RSV….at the same time.

That’s some of what we’ve been up to over the last month. Clockwise from top left: that’s Caroline in the inaugural performance of the Smithfield Echoes - 4th & 5th grade choir; mommy & daddy got to get dressed up and support Isabella Santos Foundation; Jennings got his wish from Miss Tiara and had his hair cut & styled into a sweet “mohawg;” Jennings raising his white survivor lantern at LLS’s Light the Night event.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. We had Halloween in there since the last update. It was a great reminder of the power of candy. It’ll get a mopey, half-sick kid off the couch pretty quick. I have found that saying “It’s time for school” does not have the same effect.

We had a Queen of Hearts, Dragon, Dinosaur, Peacock, and then you have to guess what mommy & daddy were. We had some neighbors over for pre-trick or treating pizza while the rain passed and that was the best attempt of getting them to pose for a picture.

The weekend after Halloween we went camping. Due to the sickness, we were holding pretty loosely to being able to actually go. But, as the weekend approached, the kids’ health improved while the weather forecast deteriorated. We abandoned all reason and went anyway, even bringing some friends along. Friday evening was great. Saturday was not. After spending all day in the rain on Saturday, we decided to call it. We packed up and drove home late Saturday. It was nice to get back home and it seemed like a great call until about 8p that night when I watched Notre Dame kick Clemson’s teeth in. Sitting outside in the rain with no cell signal seemed like an appealing alternative.

Clockwise from top left: a bright spot on Saturday - catching a brown trout fly fishing in the rain; the drive home…Palmers out; the river rats “attracting” the fish; enjoying a cool, clear night around the fire on Friday.

This time of year brings up a lot for us. I’ve shared this before, but prior to Jennings’s relapse, we had let our minds go to a place of permanent healing and cure. Cancer was no longer on the radar. Statistically, the chances of a relapse were in the single digits. This time, neither one of us is allowing our minds to go back there. That’s a big part of why this blog still exists. We long for his cure, but want to stay grounded in reality. The farther out we get, though, the more removed from “cancer life” we become. Don’t get me wrong - the thought surfaces regularly that we are not out of the woods. But with it, the feeling that the height from which we would fall should we get that news is rising. Despite thinking of the possibility frequently, probably daily if we’re honest, time does its thing. We become more and more distanced from the life of acute suffering and trial. With the distance, even with our guards up, comes the comfort of a life closer to normal than a life closer to facing the potential loss of a child. With that comfort comes the realization that to be plunged back into that would be intensely hard.

So, we fight on for hope. Trying to always look up, not giving into the fear of heights by looking down. I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving. Lord willing, we’ll be back around Christmas with an update before the next scheduled check-up in Memphis in January.

“He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul.” Ps 23:2-3

#allinforjennings